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And thus with victorie and with melodye Lete I this noble duc to Atthenes ryde
Herewithin find a sampling of the spam in Geoffrey's inbox.
II. An churlish proposicioun of anatomical alchemie! (Mayster Gower, peraventure thys shal be of aide to thee?)
TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: AUGMENTULA SALES (492499@chanounsalchemie.com)
RE: BE SURE SHE CRITH NOT ‘TEE HEE’ AT THEE
A man werkynge wyth an mighi plowe can simplie plowe a bettir furrough than a man with a tinye plowe!
Woldstow haue a mighti plowe or a tinye oon?
Order AUGMENTULA todaye, and thou shalt experience the lyf-chaunginge benefittes thousandes of goode men haue whyle on the AUGMENTULA programme! Manye do witnesse grete increses yn the girth, lengthe, and potencie of the membrum virile, and do paye the debte of mariage yn gretere amountes than evir bifor. Finallie thou kanst marrye AND burne at the same tyme!
III. An mightie prince nedeth myn succour yn matirs financiale!
TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: LEO OF ARMENIA (leoinexileVI@hotmail.com)
RE: THYN SUCCOUR YS NEEDED
Deere Sir,
Followynge the siege of the castel of Gaban and Oure subsequent capture at the hands of the Emir of Aleppo, we haue ben ythrowne into a sttate of complete confusioun, frustracioun, and hopelessnesse by Oure poore estaat. Oure royale person hath been subjectede to physicale and psychologicale torture by hethene captors in the toune of Cairo wher We nowe are helde prisonere. We do beleve that no cristen soule hath the vertu or charitee to aide Vs, for yt semeth al1le the knightes and monarches of Europe are deef to Oure petiticiouns.
Thou must haue herde, good sir, yn the newspaperes and the internette, of the perilouse state of Oure formere kingdom of Armenie, the whichhe hath been ytaak from Oure rightful soverentee by the handes of the Mameluk Turkes.
And yet ther is oon othir matir – ther are manye huge sums of coine and silver plate that We hadde ystored abroade at the tyme of Oure capture. Yn facte, the totale sum of riches still stored yn Oure name doth exceed MMMMMMMMM poundes.
We haue founde thy contacte informacioun thurgh Oure owen personale research, and aas a drowninge man doth reche for ony branche, We haue sette pon the counsel of rechynge thee thurgh email. We pplace grete cohnfidence in thee, hence thys Royale email to thee.
Due to the cruel shackles in which We are ybounde, lik to an newe Prometheus wyth the vulture of despayre gnawinge Oure liver ech daye whanne We thynke of Oure formere glorie and Oure fallen reaume, We kan nat go diretlie to an ATM.
We wolde be verye grateful if thou couldst receyve the various summes of moneye due to Oure royal persone and taak hem into thy safe keepynge. Ower agentes abroade will be in contacte with thee as soon as securite ys set uppe.
Oones We do manage to escape, We hope to settle somewhere plesaunte, perhaps Englande for a while, and We shal receyve ayein the moneye whiche thou hast deposited, whilst yivinge unto thee a sum of thirty out of everie hundred poundes for thyn labour and thy loyaltee.
We will require thy telephone and fax numbres and thy banke accounte informacioun so that Oure chamberlain may transfer the moneyes unto thee. We wolde gretely appreciate yf thou wouldst accepte Oure proposal yn goode faith. Plese exepedite action by sendinge thyn replie to Oure chamberlaines email addresse infra.
chamberlaindeleo1133114@hotmail.com
En foi et espoyr
LEO VI D’ARMENIE
II. An churlish proposicioun of anatomical alchemie! (Mayster Gower, peraventure thys shal be of aide to thee?)
TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: AUGMENTULA SALES (492499@chanounsalchemie.com)
RE: BE SURE SHE CRITH NOT ‘TEE HEE’ AT THEE
A man werkynge wyth an mighi plowe can simplie plowe a bettir furrough than a man with a tinye plowe!
Woldstow haue a mighti plowe or a tinye oon?
Order AUGMENTULA todaye, and thou shalt experience the lyf-chaunginge benefittes thousandes of goode men haue whyle on the AUGMENTULA programme! Manye do witnesse grete increses yn the girth, lengthe, and potencie of the membrum virile, and do paye the debte of mariage yn gretere amountes than evir bifor. Finallie thou kanst marrye AND burne at the same tyme!
III. An mightie prince nedeth myn succour yn matirs financiale!
TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: LEO OF ARMENIA (leoinexileVI@hotmail.com)
RE: THYN SUCCOUR YS NEEDED
Deere Sir,
Followynge the siege of the castel of Gaban and Oure subsequent capture at the hands of the Emir of Aleppo, we haue ben ythrowne into a sttate of complete confusioun, frustracioun, and hopelessnesse by Oure poore estaat. Oure royale person hath been subjectede to physicale and psychologicale torture by hethene captors in the toune of Cairo wher We nowe are helde prisonere. We do beleve that no cristen soule hath the vertu or charitee to aide Vs, for yt semeth al1le the knightes and monarches of Europe are deef to Oure petiticiouns.
Thou must haue herde, good sir, yn the newspaperes and the internette, of the perilouse state of Oure formere kingdom of Armenie, the whichhe hath been ytaak from Oure rightful soverentee by the handes of the Mameluk Turkes.
And yet ther is oon othir matir – ther are manye huge sums of coine and silver plate that We hadde ystored abroade at the tyme of Oure capture. Yn facte, the totale sum of riches still stored yn Oure name doth exceed MMMMMMMMM poundes.
We haue founde thy contacte informacioun thurgh Oure owen personale research, and aas a drowninge man doth reche for ony branche, We haue sette pon the counsel of rechynge thee thurgh email. We pplace grete cohnfidence in thee, hence thys Royale email to thee.
Due to the cruel shackles in which We are ybounde, lik to an newe Prometheus wyth the vulture of despayre gnawinge Oure liver ech daye whanne We thynke of Oure formere glorie and Oure fallen reaume, We kan nat go diretlie to an ATM.
We wolde be verye grateful if thou couldst receyve the various summes of moneye due to Oure royal persone and taak hem into thy safe keepynge. Ower agentes abroade will be in contacte with thee as soon as securite ys set uppe.
Oones We do manage to escape, We hope to settle somewhere plesaunte, perhaps Englande for a while, and We shal receyve ayein the moneye whiche thou hast deposited, whilst yivinge unto thee a sum of thirty out of everie hundred poundes for thyn labour and thy loyaltee.
We will require thy telephone and fax numbres and thy banke accounte informacioun so that Oure chamberlain may transfer the moneyes unto thee. We wolde gretely appreciate yf thou wouldst accepte Oure proposal yn goode faith. Plese exepedite action by sendinge thyn replie to Oure chamberlaines email addresse infra.
chamberlaindeleo1133114@hotmail.com
En foi et espoyr
LEO VI D’ARMENIE