I do not know if it helps, but I understand that it is perfectly normal to have annihilation fantasies.

I took CalTrain home last night, and reveled at its approach, feeling the blast of air as an express streaked by the station, noting that even standing at the edge of the yellow safe zone it is an easy collapse off of the landing. Just do you not suddenly go out and buy a motorcycle. ;)

Anyway, I hope your mind and body recover sooner rather than later.