cyrano | What a swell party this is...

Forgot. Uncle Jerry's back in the news. The stupid fuckwit.
 What Falwell Really Meant

   by Michael Gerber and Jonathan Schwarz

   "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the
   feminists, and the gays and the lesbians...the ACLU, People for
   the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I
   point the finger in their face and say, `You helped this happen.'"

   --Jerry Falwell, September 13th, on The 700 Club about last week's
   terrorist attacks

   "I sincerely regret that comments I made...were taken out of their
   context."

   --Jerry Falwell, September 14

   Nine Possible Contexts:

   1. "...NOT."

   2. "You know, I'm really high right now, so this may not make any
   sense, but..."

   3. "Keeping in mind that today is Opposites Day, I emphasize that..."

   4. "My son showed me this cool thing on Alta Vista, where you type
   something in English and then have the computer translate it into
   French and then into Spanish and then into German and then back to
   English--it's kinda like 'Telephone,' you know?--and something that made
   sense at the beginning will come out sounding like..."

   5. "If an infinite number of monkeys typed on an infinite number of
   typewriters, one of them would write..."

   6. "I want to take a break from the grim events of this week, and
   salute the brave people who've spent years making America a better and
   more tolerant place. Who's done this, who's helped this happen? Well,
   I'll tell you: ..."

   7. "An insane man off camera is pointing a gun at my head and forcing
   me to read this statement. Quote,..."

   8. "Please join me in praying that, in the wake of this horrific
   tragedy, Christ's message of peace will prevail, our entire country
   can unite in compassion, not aggression, and that no misguided person
   will state..."

   9. "I truly believe that if Osama bin Laden had been born in America,
   right now he'd be saying..."
What a swell party this is...

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