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Why not ask for more?
I want to communicate. I want to write a post that will talk about how I'm feeling. I am unable to communicate about any topic that's important to me at this time. I want to connect to people. I want to tell a story that's worth the telling. I want to lose myself in a story somebody else tells that's more real than the one I'm in. I want to go back to school, to improve myself. I want to accomplish something I can point to and say "I did that." and actually care. I'm surrounded by the various requirements of merely surviving. And they're smothering me. Opportunities fade, options disappear, and I don't feel like they're being replaced. Or perhaps they are, but not with anything as bright.
My old job at AltaVista had an office building in San Mateo right under the flight path for SFO. I used to sit in my office and look out the window as planes took off and landed and I sat there going nowhere. With this job, the feeling is less intense because I physically go places on occasion.
I'm thinking of taking up Jeremy's "Ask Me Anything Friday" if I can remember to do so, because I want the attention. But for now, tell me something good. About me, about you, about baby duckies and fluffy kittens, about whatever.
My old job at AltaVista had an office building in San Mateo right under the flight path for SFO. I used to sit in my office and look out the window as planes took off and landed and I sat there going nowhere. With this job, the feeling is less intense because I physically go places on occasion.
I'm thinking of taking up Jeremy's "Ask Me Anything Friday" if I can remember to do so, because I want the attention. But for now, tell me something good. About me, about you, about baby duckies and fluffy kittens, about whatever.
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Good Things About Moi:
1. I do not have to serve on a Kern County jury.
2. There is a 80% I will be living within 10 miles of you two months from now.
3. #2 could be 100% by Thursday.
4. Two weeks from now, I'm going to be in Hawaii.
5. I reread Dandelion Wine today. The only thing that kept me from crying was my sitting in a public place. There is sweetness in memories that can never be taken away.
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I love you. *hugs*
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That's why I wanted to talk to you about honesty and scruples.
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I got polled today and got to tell them that I think Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfield and George Bush are doing a shitty job. It was like voting with commentary; strangely satisfying.
I spent the day doing absolutely nothing of any social, societal or monetary value and yet I am happy.
I recently read something by Bradbury as well.. a book of short stories ... and there was something in the back I really liked. He's talking about saving up memories and having them spin out of his mind as stories, about being woken up by them and stumbling to his desk to write them down. He talks about each of the short stories in the collection in that sense. He sums up:
Something good
About me: I'm a happier person for knowing you.
About baby duckies and fluffly kittens: They, too, lead better lives for knowing you.
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As for fluffy kittens, Ez and Spooky say "Mrrt!"
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PS: That first paragraph? Pretty much textbook description of clinical depression. Impressive, huh?
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On a separate note, I adore baby duckies!! :) I'm sitting in Minnesota watching the sun rise out my hotel window. Or rather, the reflections of it off these tall glass buildings. I don't actually want to be up right now but the light at this time of day is magical.
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We stopped for them. We had a couple of moments of worry, but the van going in the other direction ended up stopping too.
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Commies, and former commies, all of 'em.
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v135/newkidsonmyblock/random/hamster.jpg
In other news, I get cabinets delivered to my garage tomorrow, though I expect it will be 3-6 weeks before the kitchen actually gets rebuilt, and maybe a week or two after that for the countertop. Dealing with the city is frustrating but I have some allies on my side now.
I've found that listening is underrated, and most people (at least, most Americans) want to talk more than they want to listen. But, the more I study and practice listening as a skill, the more easy it becomes for me to communicate things that I want other people to understand. Sounds strange, but it seems to be true. I wonder if playing a catcher position also makes one a better pitcher? hmm.
I like to use what I call "active listening" (though there is probably another name for it)... it basically involves listening while someone else talks, then repeating back what they said to make sure I've got it right, and asking questions if I didn't understand.
A lot of times, people will say something that has more of an emotional meaning than intellectual meaning, and when it is mirrored back to them in the form of "It sounds like you feel X" they suddenly become aware of those feelings on an intellectual level. So, listening to see if there is an emotional message as well as a semantic/intellectual message is important.
No, there's no hidden message there about what you should do... just that something you said happened to make me realize that being a good listener has helped me to be able to talk about things more easily and more effectively.
Be well.
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And yeah, like the old Chinese man said, you have two ears and only one mouth so listen twice as much as you speak.
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(Not the best happy thing, but I'm sick.)
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About you: you are kind and loving and you self-flagellate too often to see that you are making a difference and impact. I think you aspire to some intangible greatness and don't always see that your greatness lies in other areas. Which is both something good and something bad, I guess. :)
About me: I'm doing something I've dreamed of doing for the last twenty-five years, and actually writing. And it doesn't totally suck. I'm happy being your housemate.
About fluffy kittens: I brushed Toast the past two days, and he is all soft and pettable.
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My little white cat is scared of the vacuum cleaner. Usually she vanishes under the bed for 4-6 hours after it is turned on, but last time it was used (last weekend, to vacuum the kitchen) she bravely sat in the bedroom and swished her tail and when it was over went and rubbed up against my legs & Ken's legs to affirm that all was well with the world.
I am very proud of my little white cat.
*hugs*