cyrano | (no subject)

GConnor was good enough to share the 100 Greatest Quotes from Fundamentalist Christian Chat Rooms with me.

Currently this one is my favorite:

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

AV1611VET, Christian Forums [Comments (91)] [2006-Sep-12]

No, wait, *this* is:

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

JohnR7, Christian forums [Comments (195)] [2006-Nov-04]

No, wait, *THIS* is:

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

Pat Robertson, Quotes From the Religious Right [Comments (193)] [2007-Nov-09]

No, *this* is:

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

EnemyPartyII, Christianforums.com [Comments (86)] [2007-Dec-02]

Oh! Oh! And this one:

The word of God has been in heaven forever. The KJV has always been there. The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English. If the KJV has always been there and is the original word of God then there is no other conclusion. The same can be said for any so called Greek words that were borrowed from the Greek or transliterated. It is a matter of what bias you approach this particular subject.

Donskey, King James Bible Only [Comments (77)] [2007-Jan-26]

And this one's good:

I'm not talking about a simple power outage. I'm talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe.

But as usual, you haven't thought things through at all and are speaking from ignorance again.

Carico, CARM [Comments (64)] [2006-Nov-09]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My brain just liquified and dribbled out my ears.

My brain cannot contain these profound thoughts and rationality at the same time.

I also like how the KJV predated King James, apparently.

It was renamed as a memorial!

This post made me sit here and cackle in deep amusement. :)

L. M. A. O.

You know that comment I had in my blog today? On how that one dude was so out of touch with reality that he was like a cat who was so certain he was going to catch that bird today that he dashed full tilt boogie across the living room and kranged right into the glass doors?

...yeah. These people are like the cats who will do that, pick themselves up, shake it off...and five seconds later do the exact same thing again.

Owww owww owwwwwwww! The stupid! It buuuuurns!!

Ahaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha! Oh, my god - the sheer unending, smug, horrific, close-minded, proud-to-be-ignorant stupidity!

How do these people cross the road?!

The fact that they often make it across the road without being smeared across the asphalt is proof that God loves them.

I asked my boss if the statement about DNA was true...'cause, she's all a doctor 'n' shit.

She said it wasn't.

Science causes confustion and makes things complicated. Everytime there is a new discovery the old discoveries and old wisdom are discarded! And theories get more and more complex. Science makes people confused and complicates things. Who is the author of confusion? Satan of course. The bible it the opposite of science. Biblical wisdom NEVER CHANGES, and anyone can get it. Scientific wisdom is always changing and contradicting itself, and really nobody gets it.

*sigh*

I need to give up this science-based job I have and get me a husband who will let me tend to his needs, submit to his (and God's) will, and keep his house as God intended. This sinful career stuff will get me into trouble.

Oh...and by the way:

"Freedom to worship satan (Note: we do not capitalize the word satan even when it begins a sentence)."

http://www.fstdt.com/

Absolutely hilarious.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

Those comments make baby Jesus cry....

Oh lordy...I'm....stunned...really.

I read those to my students. They were impressed.

Impressed in a 'the liberal media has been hiding this wisdom from me' sort of way? Or in a 'this displays every single fallacy of logic that we've been studying' sort of way? (:

More in the, "Wait... people are that stupid?!!!" sort of way. :)

Some of those just have to be jokes...right? RIGHT?!

If it makes you feel better, you can imagine that every one of these responses was posted by a troll who just wants to make a bad name for the sane religious/spiritual people out there.

How did you pass up "Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic."?

Man.

Because without seeing the context, I could imagine how that one would actually be a potentially reasonable request.

a fair point :)

And this is exactly why some people just should not breed!

Perhaps, but they are strongly encouraged to by their spiritual leaders so that they can Raise The Army of God, and also to outvote all the heathens.

In spite of your deviant ways, the fact that you perpetuate the words of God's chosen shows that you have a good heart. I hope that God in his wisdom will slay you quickly, showing you mercy when you burn with the rest of the heathen scum in the lake of fire at the end of times.

Yours in Christ, tongue in cheek --

These people walk among you, sport.

Personally, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I'd go with laugh, because your reaction won't change their ways and it seems therefore that all crying would do is make me miserable.