Zathras probably have hard death.

[cyrano]

And I am apparently all about maintaining the balance. I feel like crap--headachey, nauseous, vertiginous, and generally run-over. I can't say I'm actually *sick* but I'm not really functioning. I am running through several predictable self-talk background tapes. I start out saying that I need to take care of myself, take it easy, get rest, and not worry about outside commitments so much, and that goes well for a while. Then I switch to saying that the world doesn't care how I feel, I still have no income and obligations to meet which will have no sympathy for my delicate constitution and that guitar isn't going to restring itself. And then I have a panic attack and think that when I can see a doctor again I should consider getting back on Alprazolam. But hey, a panic attack counts as *something identifiably wrong* so I can then go back to taking care of myself.
The Show That Never Ends.