More talking about depression.
Feb. 2nd, 2018 04:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyranoI was talking with a friend about my behavior, and realized in retrospect that I was having a significant depressive episode over Thanksgiving. Which also hit me with how hard it is for me to recognize when it's happening, in the moment. I usually have to rely on exterior benchmarks, like how long ago did I last have a shower, when did I last see another human being, what's the state of my bedroom, or have I left the house in the past couple of days.
But inside? It's utter frog soup. The shift is incremental enough that I can't count on being able to detect it. Today was a little worse than yesterday, which was pretty much like the day before, &cet. And that's not acceptable, but I'm not sure what the solution is, except maybe start a graph, rating my days 0 to 10. Or asking myself at the end of the day "Is my soul a hollow fragile shell, barren and sterile, where nothing can grow? I mean, more than usual." It's a bit trickier because the past few years have been pretty low on average already, so there's not a lot of breathing room.
Theoretically the third act of the essay is where I wrap it all up, with a joke or some song lyrics or something that sounds sage and wise, but I guess I'm not to that stage yet in my life, so I'll just have to come back and fill this bit in later.
But inside? It's utter frog soup. The shift is incremental enough that I can't count on being able to detect it. Today was a little worse than yesterday, which was pretty much like the day before, &cet. And that's not acceptable, but I'm not sure what the solution is, except maybe start a graph, rating my days 0 to 10. Or asking myself at the end of the day "Is my soul a hollow fragile shell, barren and sterile, where nothing can grow? I mean, more than usual." It's a bit trickier because the past few years have been pretty low on average already, so there's not a lot of breathing room.
Theoretically the third act of the essay is where I wrap it all up, with a joke or some song lyrics or something that sounds sage and wise, but I guess I'm not to that stage yet in my life, so I'll just have to come back and fill this bit in later.