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Just an Exciteable Boy
Jun. 18th, 2003 10:15 pmThis entire entry is about how I feel. It may bear no relation to reality whatsoever. There may be contradictions. There may be things that don't make a lot of sense, or sound stupid. Deal with it.
I put in 'Trainspotting' tonight for background music. Maybe it's because that feels like my life right now, but without the gang of social acquaintances and the good drugs. Just the drear and dour atmosphere, rather pointless enduration, self loathing and continued mere existence. Maybe it's time for some forced introspection. Maybe that's why I asked for questions.
I've been in a very foul mood the past week or perhaps more, to the point of cancelling social engagements. My job very frequently infuriates me. There seems to be very little in my life beyond work, partly because I'm exhausted and would rather curl up in a dark room when there are no obligations forcing me into action than to actually move or act or something that might involve expending energy. I still plan to try and do dishes tomorrow though.
This is unlike the usual depressive streaks in that the restlessness and dissatisfaction are more aggressive and less complete disinterest and ennui. However, I have my fingers crossed that this drift will break soon. I hope so or I'm in for a surly birthday. Good news is, I appear to have gotten at least a kick in the creativity, and am working on some writing.
I was considering saying more but words are not currently my forte. Which also annoys me.
I put in 'Trainspotting' tonight for background music. Maybe it's because that feels like my life right now, but without the gang of social acquaintances and the good drugs. Just the drear and dour atmosphere, rather pointless enduration, self loathing and continued mere existence. Maybe it's time for some forced introspection. Maybe that's why I asked for questions.
I've been in a very foul mood the past week or perhaps more, to the point of cancelling social engagements. My job very frequently infuriates me. There seems to be very little in my life beyond work, partly because I'm exhausted and would rather curl up in a dark room when there are no obligations forcing me into action than to actually move or act or something that might involve expending energy. I still plan to try and do dishes tomorrow though.
This is unlike the usual depressive streaks in that the restlessness and dissatisfaction are more aggressive and less complete disinterest and ennui. However, I have my fingers crossed that this drift will break soon. I hope so or I'm in for a surly birthday. Good news is, I appear to have gotten at least a kick in the creativity, and am working on some writing.
I was considering saying more but words are not currently my forte. Which also annoys me.