These Subject lines used to always be song lyrics.

I'm spending six weeks caretaking for my mom--my sister could use the time off--and I'm again going over my thoughts about my own future and how much pain and disability I'm willing to tolerate versus how desperate I am to cling to continuing to exist. It's pretty hypothetical still, and most of the time I'm pretty willing to let it exist somewhere in the future. But it's hard to keep it as a clinical consideration when it feels like I'm living in the same house as that future. If she's careful, Mom can still move from the bathroom door to the toilet, but she's constantly in pain and getting out of the house onto the back porch today was pretty much all we could handle. But at least she got outside, which is something I've been hoping she'd be up to for a month now.

I've had stretches of 'this is not fun any more' in my life, but there's always the idea that it's probably going to change given time. How long do I tolerate 'this is not fun any more' when there are no options for things getting better and it's just trying to stave off things getting any worse?