cyrano: (Bringing Skeksi back)
This is crafted pretty specifically for [personal profile] yukonsally, but hopefully it's got something for everybody.

Fuck Cancer is strongly influenced by sixties pop, seventies rock, upbeat music in general, and "angry music".

(Oh, and if there's something on here that you hate, tell me and I'll pull it.)
cyrano: (Clean *ALL* the Things!)
I have spent the last few days slowly disintegrating, because I haven't been able to get any real sleep. I have been having dreams that are not nightmares because they're not scary but dreams where I have some stressful job to do and then I do that twilight slide between stressful dream and lying in bed all stressed out. I was heavily dissociating, and I was going without meds because refilling my pill caddies stresses me out under the best of conditions because I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up and end up accidentally ODing. So I repeatedly noped out of that job.

And last night (well, this morning, because I slept miserably until about three or four) I finally got some quality unconscious time. The transformation is fucking amazing. Never take your sleep for granted. Don't let yourself get pinched by not getting enough. I know I'm privileged in being able to say this because I *can* ignore the alarm clock, but dear god the difference is *so* stark.
cyrano: (Bad Day)
Really bad news on the nonprofit front. In addition to other licensing I need, it looks like being able to collect debt will involve being bonded, and for 1-4 employees that's $15,000. Which, if you're employed by a big firm who covers that, is no big deal. I'm not sure I'll pull in $15,000 in a year. But if my research is right, and it makes absolutely no sense to I assume my understanding of bureaucracy is correct, if I'm based in Alabama and I don't have any paid employees in Alabama, then they have essentially no requirements about getting licensed. I'm trying to find a lawyer with some experience to advise me on this. I'm not exactly optimistic, but sunk cost fallacy has me ready to keep trying.
cyrano: (Demons of Stupid)
Today I was re-reminded of the utility and benefit of just keeping my god damned mouth shut. Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
cyrano: (No Good)
The weather is getting colder in Idaho, which means mice are coming out of the fields and into our houses. We store bulk dog/cat food, books, laundry, and other mouse-popular features, in the rec room/laundry room. Last year we set out spring traps that solved the problem in a rather gruesome but concise manner. This year my mom brought home poison traps and glue traps. We opted against the poison after I explained about collateral damage and unintended consequences. And when I talked about the prolonged nature of glue traps, and how animals gnaw off their own feet while they slowly die there, I thought we'd decided not to go that route either. But apparently the plan turned out to be 'put out the glue trap without exposing the glue' and this morning we had three new friends rattling around inside the trap. Her advice was to open up the trap and empty it into the dumpster. After I made certain she knew these were not dead mice, I asked for confirmation that the plan was to drop them into the trash bin to either be crushed or starved or taken on a fun ride to the dump (the latter seems unlikely). That indeed was the plan.
I understand that co-existing with the mice is not really an option. I understand that relocating them isn't really an option. I understand not wanting to acknowledge the inevitable products of that conflict. But I don't know as I can countenance this. I've told her I'd prefer going back to the spring traps. While she's getting her shower tomorrow I may spring the three in the bin.
cyrano: (Poohsticks)
I'm in Idaho for six weeks caretaking for my Mom while my sister (who covers the other 46) takes care of personal items.

It's a view into my future and it does not fill me with joy. It might be a good Black Mirror episode.

She is constantly in pain, which technically is not too different from my current situation except in its magnitude. The same goes with her stamina. I have joint pain, but she has serious mobility issues, and doesn't get out much. I think we both are dealing with fibromyalgia. And the memory issues look like they'll keep getting worse. She has always had pronoun issues. ("Go get the thing on the counter.") But it's far more pronounced now. She's asked me the same question a few days apart on multiple days, and I was gently mocking about it at first but stopped quickly. Generally speaking, brain-wise, her cognitive abilities are definitely slowing, and that's the worst thing to watch. I'm proud of my brain, vain to be precise, and as I putter around the house I find myself considering what the boundaries of decrepitude that I'm willing to live with are.

. . . . .

On a completely different topic, living in this space is frustrating. There's a lot of *stuff* in this space, which makes it hard to move around without upending a stack of books or paperwork or a bottle of moisturizing lotion or a remote. There's also essentially no work area because flat space is at such a premium. Luckily we have a set of 'tv trays' that I can grab easily for a temporary space.
cyrano: (Coyote Cinema)
Okay, for real it's Hobbes and Shaw, but when I couldn't remember the name of the film that was my fallback position. I'd seen trailers and was pretty ambivalent about the project. My first comment was "I am obviously not cool enough to watch this picture". It was stuffed so full of toxic masculine energy that I started to wonder if this would be a send up maybe.

And in the end, the film itself was a little ambivalent. Over all, though, this was an above average loud dumb summer action film.

The cons:
There's a lot of male gaze, and despite the lampshade there's still a lot of 'boys will be boys' toxic masculinity. Sometimes people are Stupid For Plot or Stupid For The Funny. And they do that thing in chase scenes where everybody's going as fast as they possibly can and then one guy decides to just push the 'fasterer' button to speed up beyond maximum speed.

But our lead female actor has agency and competency, which I always appreciate, even if she is the MacGuffin. There were some really impressive set pieces (Like the escape from the Ukranian lab) and cool toys (Like the segmented motorbike omg). Idris Elba is good, but he's not putting anything special into this performance. Much like Rock and Statham. The soundtrack, despite not really being my thing, is very good at doing what it's supposed to be doing--telling you how to feel about the scene. In the end, the toxic masculinity is called out and proven to be a bad thing. Yay. Ryan Reynolds, who I didn't even know was tied to this project, was still almost the best part of the movie. And this film has the best case of Chekov's Mum I've ever seen.

All in all? Four wags out of five.
cyrano: (Coyote Cinema)
Prepping for the new release in the Terminator franchise, I thought I'd watch the older ones I hadn't seen. (Considering rewatching Judgement Day, I might enjoy it this time.) Rise of the Machines is... not good. It has serious tonal issues, going from 'high emotional stakes end of the world' to a Looney Tunes cartoon complete with *boing* sound effect. (Yes, really.) I really liked Claire Danes in Romeo + Juliet, and thought she had potential. But in this movie the only human emotion she seems to have in her repertoire is 'annoyance'. Also, lines like "The future is up to us" don't help anybody.
cyrano: (Emperor or Trouble)
Holy shit. How did I get to be fifty?
cyrano: (Still Flying)
For the first time since the move, things have gotten grey. I've finally assembled an RP group and I'm having to fight to keep up momentum. Most things just aren't worth the effort. John helped me get the last of my bookshelves together, which was great, but they're still empty while the big pile of fuck off boxes looms at the side of my room. I need outside cues to remind me to eat. But I've got a new PCP and a new psychiatrist, and I'm on the waiting list for a counselor (Should have an opening Aug/Sep). So I guess progress is being made. The back porch is screened in, so it's nice to go out late at night after the temperature has been knocked down a bit.
cyrano: (Coyote Cinema)
This time you get a twofer! Double billing! Woo!

Booksmart )

And then there's the whiplash of going into the next auditorium to see

John Wick 3: Parabellum )

Meltdown

May. 8th, 2019 12:52 am
cyrano: (Scream)
There's a quote, probably Stoppard, something about how Things have gotten about as bad as they can get when things have gone about as far as they can go. I did that. Last night's auditions were hot and stressful, and wandering a strange city in the dark was stressful, and apparently I took all the stress I've been trying to stay on top of for the past couple of months and turned it into nausea, a migraine, a fugue state with no real rest, vertigo, and a general sense of dissociation. It was supposed to be a day where I did dishes, went shopping, built a bookcase, and took the cat to the vet. Mostly I spent the day in bed crying over Handmaid's Tale and Happy! Amanda helped me deal with refilling my daily drug buckets, and I ate food. Hopefully tonight I sleep and tomorrow I can reset.
cyrano: (Default)
The Presidents and the Constitution: A Living History
by Ken Gormley


This is an ensemble piece, with scholars of all stripes doing individual explorations on each president and then a final chapter discussing unifying themes and trends. I'm fully guilty of that syndrome where you know Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Adams, Ummm de dummm, Lincoln, Hmm hmm hmm, Roosevelt, Ummm, Roosevelt again, Cleveland's in there twice somewhere... This book helped a lot to establish identities behind the head of each administration, up to the Obama administration. It's also, at thirty dollars plus, the most I've spent on an ebook so far. And a worthwhile investment. I'd thought it would be more about the Supreme Court (and I'm still on the look out for that book) so I was a little disappointed at first, but this is just as rich and textured, and as much of a learning experience as I'd hoped.
cyrano: (Wikipedia)
What possesses people to take the time to look up questions people ask on the internet and then type in a reply that says essentially "I have no idea."?

"What does 'camino' mean in Spanish?"
"I don't know any spanish but El Camino is a car in the US."

"Does this product work with the iPhone 6e?"
"I don't own any Apple products, but you could probably call customer service and ask them."

"Does this hair dye stain porcelain?"
"I've never used this hair dye, but you could probably ask Google."

It's almost as mystifying as the people who take the time to find question asking fora and ask questions that they could easily look up on Google.
cyrano: (Coyote Angel)
I had hoped that when we moved into the new house I'd stop seeing Inky out of the corner of my eye.
cyrano: (Snow)
In the last couple of weeks Ichabod has been very insistent on going outside.

I think he's looking for Inky.

Emoji of sadface.
cyrano: (Default)

He's not just hanging out in the vestibule any longer. I took him to Exclusively Cats for cremation. When he comes back, we're going to scatter him beneath the bush he liked to hide under when he snuck out.

So he got a car ride, which he loves, and then gets to go outside. His life has just gotten better since he died.
cyrano: (Still Flying)
We haven't been able to get Inky to the vet yet. Tomorrow.

When it's night and the house gets quiet, all I can think of is him in his box in the vestibule slowly freezing, all alone. So I go down for a while and sit with him. Sitting shivah, kind of. It at least makes me feel a little better. I may have some broken coping methods for dealing with loss.

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