Medical hijinx
Nov. 11th, 2017 01:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyranoI will talk it all out here, in one place, because I have not been good at keeping friends in the loop.
Last month I had a kidney stone. It sucked verily. It also involved a pelvic CAT scan to make sure we didn't have any shy leftovers floating around. I have a history of kidney stones (not so much with CAT scans) so this didn't seem foreboding.
On a follow up visit, the doctor mentioned that there was a spot at the edge of the scan, on the lower lobe of my lung. It was probably nothing, he said, but he recommended a chest scan. I spent 45 minutes on the phone, on hold, with scheduling, and then I drove over to the clinic building and waited in the lobby until they scheduled me. I had to be out of town for AmberCon, so I took a slot the day after I got back.
Yesterday, Dr. B called and my phone didn't ring. I need a new one, I haven't gotten around to replacing it. He left voice mail telling me he wanted to talk about my results. I didn't sleep the night before and had spent most of the morning wrestling with five minute naps. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that the office is only open until eleven on Thursdays.
I called this morning, he was with a patient and there was no indication on my record of why he wanted to talk. My stress reactions were starting to build, despite the fact that it was 'probably nothing'. They asked if I wanted to come in for an appointment at three-thirty. I really didn't want to go anywhere, and I didn't want to wait until three-thirty to do it, so they put a note on his desk to ask him to call me back.
An hour and a half later, I called again, and emphasized that I'd really like to talk with him, and they assured me he'd call before three-thirty. Which he did. There was still the one little (1.5cm x 1.6cm) shadow on my scan, but no new information. We had three options, two of which he did not recommend. One was ignore it and pretend we saw nothing. One was to have a PET scan which would probably not tell us anything we didn't already know. One was to have a biopsy drawn, and in case I wanted that option, he had an order for it at the front desk with a phone number to call scheduling.
So I drove to the doctor's office anyway, got home, and called scheduling. Where I was on hold for two hours, until it got to be five o'clock and they were officially closed. Which meant I'd have to wait until next week to make my appointment. If I'd been smart, I'd have gone directly to Bell Pointe and sat in the lobby until they scheduled me. But I don't know if that lab even does biopsies.
So that's where I am until Monday, at least, and I've enlisted some friends to help distract me from worrying about 'probably nothing but less probably nothing than when this started'.
And I have a writer's group meeting on Tuesday, so that'll be fun.
Last month I had a kidney stone. It sucked verily. It also involved a pelvic CAT scan to make sure we didn't have any shy leftovers floating around. I have a history of kidney stones (not so much with CAT scans) so this didn't seem foreboding.
On a follow up visit, the doctor mentioned that there was a spot at the edge of the scan, on the lower lobe of my lung. It was probably nothing, he said, but he recommended a chest scan. I spent 45 minutes on the phone, on hold, with scheduling, and then I drove over to the clinic building and waited in the lobby until they scheduled me. I had to be out of town for AmberCon, so I took a slot the day after I got back.
Yesterday, Dr. B called and my phone didn't ring. I need a new one, I haven't gotten around to replacing it. He left voice mail telling me he wanted to talk about my results. I didn't sleep the night before and had spent most of the morning wrestling with five minute naps. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that the office is only open until eleven on Thursdays.
I called this morning, he was with a patient and there was no indication on my record of why he wanted to talk. My stress reactions were starting to build, despite the fact that it was 'probably nothing'. They asked if I wanted to come in for an appointment at three-thirty. I really didn't want to go anywhere, and I didn't want to wait until three-thirty to do it, so they put a note on his desk to ask him to call me back.
An hour and a half later, I called again, and emphasized that I'd really like to talk with him, and they assured me he'd call before three-thirty. Which he did. There was still the one little (1.5cm x 1.6cm) shadow on my scan, but no new information. We had three options, two of which he did not recommend. One was ignore it and pretend we saw nothing. One was to have a PET scan which would probably not tell us anything we didn't already know. One was to have a biopsy drawn, and in case I wanted that option, he had an order for it at the front desk with a phone number to call scheduling.
So I drove to the doctor's office anyway, got home, and called scheduling. Where I was on hold for two hours, until it got to be five o'clock and they were officially closed. Which meant I'd have to wait until next week to make my appointment. If I'd been smart, I'd have gone directly to Bell Pointe and sat in the lobby until they scheduled me. But I don't know if that lab even does biopsies.
So that's where I am until Monday, at least, and I've enlisted some friends to help distract me from worrying about 'probably nothing but less probably nothing than when this started'.
And I have a writer's group meeting on Tuesday, so that'll be fun.
no subject
Date: 2017-11-11 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-11-11 04:28 pm (UTC)I feel betrayed by elements of that network who I feel are not looking out for my best interests and whom I expected to look out for me.
I feel scared because cancer is scary even if it's 'probably nothing'.
I have a long history of issues with my own mortality, and this is definitely a trigger for that.
I feel frustrated by the helplessness I feel, waiting for the response of others who do not seem to share the feeling of urgency I have in this situation.
And I'm beginning to feel fatigued/beleaguered by the multitude of feels I am having, and can feel myself starting to withdraw.
no subject
Date: 2017-11-11 04:35 pm (UTC)May I suggest spending some time on the elliptical? Or doing some crunches? Or even just taking a winter walk? Exercise is an excellent way to process overwhelming feels, and it's probably healthier than just curling into a ball.
no subject
Date: 2017-11-11 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-11-13 02:23 pm (UTC)