Impostor Syndrome and minorities
Jun. 26th, 2020 12:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyranoSometimes I am troubled by my claim of gender fluidity. I strongly present as male, and so I have suffered very little of the social consequences of being a woman--the wage gap, the constant sexual aggression, and on and sickeningly on. In fact, because of my size and presentation, I have contributed to women's sense of concern for their safety. Somehow in my youth, I picked up a few behavior patterns that women tend to adopt to 'get along' in society. I apologised too much. I let people talk over me. Things I've improved on in the past twenty-five years. But how can I lay claim to a feminine identity when I haven't experienced the culture and collective experience of fifty years in that position?
Which brings me, loosely, to role playing games. I play a lot of women. I play people of color. I play marginalized members of society. Partly because it's the only time I can pretend to look feminine, and because the lack of representation of characters who aren't white and male and straight frustrates me. I've played Donna, the Ravenclaw quidditch player who's dating Tonks, Raj, the pansexual Indian jack of all trades on a Firefly class space ship, Ada Lovelace, two fisted detective, Badger, the street urchin who was shocked by the first time she held an actual gold piece in her hands. Am I a tourist, throwing on these identities as a cheap costume, despite how good my intentions are? And I the RP equivalent of blackface? Do I need to stick with playing what I am in order to keep from appropriating somebody else's experience?
Because I don't already feel anxious about enough things.
EDIT: This is not a call for comfort or validation. I'm not sure what it is, though.
Which brings me, loosely, to role playing games. I play a lot of women. I play people of color. I play marginalized members of society. Partly because it's the only time I can pretend to look feminine, and because the lack of representation of characters who aren't white and male and straight frustrates me. I've played Donna, the Ravenclaw quidditch player who's dating Tonks, Raj, the pansexual Indian jack of all trades on a Firefly class space ship, Ada Lovelace, two fisted detective, Badger, the street urchin who was shocked by the first time she held an actual gold piece in her hands. Am I a tourist, throwing on these identities as a cheap costume, despite how good my intentions are? And I the RP equivalent of blackface? Do I need to stick with playing what I am in order to keep from appropriating somebody else's experience?
Because I don't already feel anxious about enough things.
EDIT: This is not a call for comfort or validation. I'm not sure what it is, though.