As the walls are closing in and the colours fade to black

I was going to try to go to bed at ten or so. I felt like crap today and accomplished very little. But I did get the garbage out this week, and there was a mammoth shopping expedition yesterday. I'd been wanting to go shopping for a couple of weeks but since I am lame and do not drive, it was somewhat problematic. And my own god damn fault.
Gaming went fairly well, but nothing really happened. It was a 'setting things up for explosions later' session. I failed to convince Tony's character to join the rest of them in the trip to Ontario, so I'll have to finagle that a bit.
I'm feeling frustrated since I feel like I should have something to say, as it's been four days, but I stare at the monitor and my mind is a complete blank.
Nothing beyond the unemployed no-income wall-clawing terror that has more or less ruled my life since FUCKING JANUARY.
I cry a lot when I'm alone. For the most part, I don't subject anybody else to it. Which is good for two reasons. I don't have to explain it, and nobody else has to fuss about it.
I'm making lots of books for the LARP I'm in, because I'm a big dork. Well, three books anyway. A novel, a book of poems, and a sociological study. Big freak.
Oh, and the fairy feast is coming up on Sunday. Megs is wonderful and is helping me costume myself but I'm actually doing some of it too. It'll be a very Victorian sort of fairy idea, with that odd mix of Classical Greek and English culture.