The boy's a time bomb
Nov. 9th, 2001 08:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyranoSitting and watching the traffic outside my front window while I fix breakfast, I get to watch people doing tremendously stupid things as they drop their children off at school. One person does something thoughtless and inconsiderate because they're in a hurry and need to get to work or whatever, which makes the person behind them later for work and so they pull some stupid and inconsiderate stunt, which makes the person behind them....
One of my big projects for the past five years has been to increase my sense of self-importance. And I think it's coming along, slowly but with definite signs of change. Scenes like this are an unpleasant knock against my progress. I'm not sure how able I am to tell the difference between making sure I get what I deserve and being a pompous and overbearing asshole.
There's this game I'm in, and there's a vow of honor called Code of Blood. Many of my friends have resisted taking this vow, not because they're dishonorable or evil so much as they've seen the behavior of people who did take this vow and been nonplussed. Sometimes I feel the same way here. "So," I think to myself, "This is how people who have self-worth act. Stupid and short-sighted."
But it's a temporary setback. Sooner or later I'll have people tell me how much fun one of my games was, or how talking with me was enjoyable, or how much better I look since I shaved my beard off, or reassuring me that as soon as this stupid recession is over, I'll be making enough money to live on, and I'll be back on track again. (And some day I won't need people outside me to do it, because I'll be able to do it myself.)
One of my big projects for the past five years has been to increase my sense of self-importance. And I think it's coming along, slowly but with definite signs of change. Scenes like this are an unpleasant knock against my progress. I'm not sure how able I am to tell the difference between making sure I get what I deserve and being a pompous and overbearing asshole.
There's this game I'm in, and there's a vow of honor called Code of Blood. Many of my friends have resisted taking this vow, not because they're dishonorable or evil so much as they've seen the behavior of people who did take this vow and been nonplussed. Sometimes I feel the same way here. "So," I think to myself, "This is how people who have self-worth act. Stupid and short-sighted."
But it's a temporary setback. Sooner or later I'll have people tell me how much fun one of my games was, or how talking with me was enjoyable, or how much better I look since I shaved my beard off, or reassuring me that as soon as this stupid recession is over, I'll be making enough money to live on, and I'll be back on track again. (And some day I won't need people outside me to do it, because I'll be able to do it myself.)
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Can I be one of the people inside you?
Date: 2001-11-09 10:02 am (UTC)Talking with you was wonderful!
You look... younger... without the beard,
but either can be dashing. :)
Re: Can I be one of the people inside you?
Date: 2001-11-09 07:30 pm (UTC)After asking people generally what they thought and getting no response one way or the other, since shaving I've been getting lots of confirmation that they also like it. (:
you shaved?
Date: 2001-11-09 12:35 pm (UTC)There is a balance between having a positive self-worth and being an asshole. The trick is finding it. Doing stupid things in a car is a sure sign of the latter, however. But, that said, there will be days when you will sit on that side of the equation, and that's fine. Just do better tomorrow.
What are you doing Friday, November 23rd?
Re: you shaved?
Date: 2001-11-09 07:31 pm (UTC)Re: you shaved?
Date: 2001-11-10 11:59 am (UTC)Re: you shaved?
Date: 2001-11-09 07:36 pm (UTC)*wink, wink*
Date: 2001-11-10 11:58 am (UTC)Re: *wink, wink*
Date: 2001-11-10 01:11 pm (UTC)