She's touring the facility, she's taking up slack.

[cyrano]

Home way too late--gaming went about an hour and a half past my usual bedtime, but it was good to get out of the house and see folks.
Main reason I'm here is to record a thought that for some reason I stumbled across at work this afternoon around five o'clock. Is it possible that the reason I'm so damned determined to take care of myself and not ask for help is not so much my caretaker nature that demands that I not make demands but instead is more the fact that I'm frightened to depend on somebody enough to give them the leverage to fuck me over?
And if so, does this change my behaviour any, outside of acknowledging my motivation? I still don't particularly /want/ to be fucked over after all.
And does that sentence parse at all to anybody besides me?

Comments

[shadowhwk.livejournal.com]

Commune! Er, wait. Well, no. I'm only half kidding. I really do want a commune where things like people being unemployed and hitting rough spots can be made less traumatic and stress inducing through the support of a bunch of people who all want good things to happen for the community.

I can also say this easily, because I'm also unemployed and think it sounds nice, but there you have it.

I think it's a perfectly rational and very common desire not to be screwed over, Chuck, and therefore not to put enough trust in someone else to let that happen.