She's touring the facility, she's taking up slack.

[cyrano]

Home way too late--gaming went about an hour and a half past my usual bedtime, but it was good to get out of the house and see folks.
Main reason I'm here is to record a thought that for some reason I stumbled across at work this afternoon around five o'clock. Is it possible that the reason I'm so damned determined to take care of myself and not ask for help is not so much my caretaker nature that demands that I not make demands but instead is more the fact that I'm frightened to depend on somebody enough to give them the leverage to fuck me over?
And if so, does this change my behaviour any, outside of acknowledging my motivation? I still don't particularly /want/ to be fucked over after all.
And does that sentence parse at all to anybody besides me?

Comments

Being afraid, & Seattle..

[esmerel.livejournal.com]

As a note: Seattle's job market sucks just as bad as it does here, if not worse. cbailey can't even find herself a decent waitstaff job.

And yeah, I'll admit that it's /so/ much easier not to ask for help. I know where my tendency comes from, but that doesn't make it any easier to ask other people for help. I just feel like if I just do it, I know it'll get done, and I won't have to be mad or annoyed or anything about other people not dealing with stuff that needs doing.