I kissed her goodbye, said all beauty must die

[cyrano]

Some of you have seen my "When the pepper spray runs out can I have your number?" t-shirt. I don't know if that counts as a rape joke or not, but since I don't approach strange women, whether I'm wearing it or not, it hasn't played in to the Guide to approaching strange women without being maced factor yet.

Snagged from Sarah.

Comments

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

Something is up with that website. It keeps suddenly reloading and then directing me back to my browser's Home page.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Eep! I'll look into it, but I didn't see any problems. (If you want, I can C/P the text, but it's probably stuff you already know.)

[denyse.livejournal.com]

It's kind of funny as t-shirts go, but if I didn't already know you well, it would cause me to stay 10 feet away from you and avoid meeting you. Does that make sense?

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

It makes perfect sense.

[pusifoot.livejournal.com]

^^^

This. I know you and like you and as a result I think it's not your best choice but it's your choice to wear it.

Some dude I don't know? Yeah. You can stay over there. Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Just. Don't.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

That particular shirt annoys me when you wear it, but more because I think it's unworthy of you than anything else. On a random person it'd just cause me to roll my eyes.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

And that's the whole interpretation thing, which can be a problem when you only have a handful of words to convey your message *and* you want them to be clever words as well. I saw the shirt and though "Aww. It's like Frankenstein's monster. I look big and scary, but I just want a friend." Other people, they have other ideas.
(Okay, I *used* to look big and scary.)

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

That's not quite what I meant, but okay.

[pielology.livejournal.com]

On a random person, that shirt would cause me to stay the hell away. And I'm feeling disappointed that you own it, though I'm finding it difficult to articulate the reasons. I think it's because male jokey fear of violent female response is so disproportionate to female real fear of male violent response, and something something defusing feminist anger this post by Hugo Schwyzer something.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

That's unfortunate. I suspect that actions which disappoint you are not actions that would lead me to be the person I want to become.

As far as the post, I recognize the coping mechanism but the social anxiety in the situation might be overstated.

[amanda_lodden.livejournal.com]

See, I go the opposite way on this-- I would conclude that a random person is LESS likely to be a threat than the average random person. It's entirely possible that I'm just particularly broken, though, so here's the logic train I'm riding:

Person is wearing shirt -> Shirt is intended as humorous -> Person is being self-effacing -> Person has a sense of humility, which is difficult to maintain while also having the overblown ego necessary to believe that his desires trump mine -> Person is more likely to respect my boundaries.

[pusifoot.livejournal.com]

See, that's a totally valid path to take. The path I take is either:

Person is wearing shirt - > person is a clueless asshat who hasn't given any thought to the fact that a woman might have a valid reason for using mace -> not someone I want to deal with
-or-
Person is wearing shirt -> Person thinks that rape is something that can be joked about in order to diffuse how serious a problem it is -> person is likely to make light of rape when it comes up -> person is not someone I would be able to have a civil conversation with.
-or-
Person is wearing shirt -> person is so socially clueless that they might actually behave in that way.

That all said, when it's someone I know (like, say, our beloved cyranocyrano) then I go "Oh, that's clearly meant in jest".

[ashtoreth.livejournal.com]

Women are far more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone they know than by someone they don't, according to the DOJ national victimization study. While I appreciate the sentiment that the writer is conveying, the people who most need to hear said advice, like convention attendees, are unlikely to read it and/or think that it applies to them.

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

Now that's one thing I don't really have to worry about. By the time I approach a guy there's a very good chance he's also gay, or he's in the wrong neighborhood.

It's also kind of cool when women figure out you're gay and you can practically see them visibly relax. Not from sexual pressure, but just from "being on all the time," (as a couple of my girlfriends have termed it.)

Plus I get to hear all kinds of hilarious things about straight guys.

I do love the San Francisco Bay Area.

[schquee.livejournal.com]

I think the shirt is kind of funny. But it would make me put my finger on my mace button if I saw a stranger coming close to me wearing that shirt. Then when the pepper spray ran out, you would be laughing about the irony!

[princessmei.livejournal.com]

In my experience the guys who I knew of who drugged their dates or got violent with them would -never- have worn a shirt joking about it. It would have destroyed the image they crafted for themselves. Just bringing up the question of whether what they did was wrong or similar to rape was enough to send some of them into a flying rage.

(Long story short, my college had a fraternity with some twisted chem majors who found it funny to dose the drinks of freshman girls with a GHB mix and then take a bunch of pictures of what they called Lesbian Marionette Theater.)

It sort of struck me as being similar to how some of the most militant homophobes end up being gay.

I don't find the shirt offensive, but I admit my sense of humor is pretty twisted.