File Under: Red Level Irony

[cyrano]

I'm wandering around the house, trying to finish up some little chores that have popped up while I was trying to get into the shower. I found myself sitting at the computer terminal, staring at the screen after having been distracting by ScaryWhiteGirl, utterly unable to remember why I sat down in the first place. And finally, it struck me.

I was going to see how much memory my computer had.

Comments

[amanda_lodden.livejournal.com]

So, how much does it have?

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

4 CPU 3.40GHz 3.39 GHz, 2.50 GB of RAM

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

And it still can't run a YouTube clip without choking? That's odd.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

It really is. Which is one of the reasons John and I are poking at it.

[amanda_lodden.livejournal.com]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. You have a faster processor and more RAM than I do, yet your computer crawls in comparison.

Methinks it might be time to take a hard look at your system.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Malware would be my first guess. Maybe your computer's infected with Stuxnet? All those cycles you could be using to watch YouTube videos are secretly preventing Iran from gaining access to nuclear weapons! Your computer's all humanitarian and shit. :)

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid this may be the case, despite the MacAfee/SpyBot combo I'm running. q:
Another possibility that I just thought of is that the backup software I have may be more active than it needs to be.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Brian recommends Malware Bytes and SpyBot Search & Destroy, and a fairly thorough process. First off, disable any virus scanners, and get rid of (or at least turn off) MacAfee, as it's worse than useless. Then:

1.) Download both and open them both up to make sure they're updated.
2.) Unplug your Internet connection.
3.) Run the first one, then reboot machine.
4.) Run the second one, then reboot machine.
5.) Repeat 3 or 4 to make certain that they come up clean. If not, continue repeating until you do.
6.) If something keeps coming up no matter how many times you scan/reboot, comandeer someone else's computer to Google it and research the software that's undoubtedly been written specifically to remove it.

Note that all of this will take many hours, is a pain in the butt, and still might not solve the problem. People used to call J&W with this problem all the time, and when Brian explained to them what malware-cleaning involved (and the costs of his time), they usually just opted to buy new computers. Still, if you've got the time it's worth a shot.

Also, because as a MacBook owner I'm morally obligated to say this:
7.) Next time, buy a Mac. :P

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm halfway there already. So. No internet connection. And once MB and SB come up clean, I can be done. But no internet at all until then.
Thank you, Brian.

PS: You misspelled
7.) Next time, have your ex-girlfriend give you a Mac. q:

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I approve of this plan.