Coyote Cinema: Three Musketeers

[cyrano]

No coherent review here. My big problem is that this movie is sort of the reverse of Real Steel--you start with a great story and then suck all the heart out of it. And all you need to make a Three Musketeers movie is a little heart. Orlando Bloom with facial hair looks like **Matt Nathanson** y'all. Srs. It's nice to give de Winter an active role and all, but... remember when Milla Jovovich was a model with a funny accent who couldn't act? She doesn't have an accent any more. There were a few "Oh hey that's kind of interesting" or "Yay they kept that bit" and then there was a whole lot of "WTF? WTFF?" and "Wait, really?" But hey, it had dirigibles, so it's SteamPunk. And the kids love them some SteamPunk, yeah?

In the end, the best part of this was Planchet. Two wags.

Comments

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Agreed on Planchet, though I still contend that the complete inability of either group involved in an airship battle to contemplate what might possibly occur if one were to, say, shoot the balloon holding the damn ship up in the air moved this film from "dumb but ok" to "OMG make it stop!" Also what the hell was up with them straight up stealing the entire Mutara Nebula sequence from Wrath of Khan? "Two dimensional thinking, Captain."

[amanda_lodden.livejournal.com]

I can actually live with the Mutara Nebula bit in this case, because

1) It's a society/culture that is not used to flying things. In Star Trek, the concept of three-dimensional movement has been around for a couple centuries. In this, it's been around for about 10 minutes. (Okay, presumably the people on the guards' ship have trained on the airship for a bit, so let's call it a few months.)

2) When the musketeers are finally revealed as being "up", they don't drop down to level before shooting. They just shoot. Musketeer cannons can be angled to shoot up or down, but apparently phasers cannot.

Still, it doesn't take a genius to realize what the weakness of the airship is, and the idea that they started out aiming for the strongest part of their enemy's vessel is laughable.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Still, it doesn't take a genius to realize what the weakness of the airship is, and the idea that they started out aiming for the strongest part of their enemy's vessel is laughable.

See, yes, that. The worst part is that in any naval battle at the time the masts and sails would have been the obvious targets anyway. *sigh*

As for the training involved in just getting the things moving anyway, sure the Cardinal's soldiers could've had that training but how in the name of all that's holy did our Musketeers work it out? They had what, five minutes? Right.

Also can we talk about the design of the Cardinal's vessel? Giant golden scorpions? Really? Wow.