I want a doctor to take your picture

[cyrano]

So I decided last night, when we went to Kingswood for Teppan, that I want to grow up and be an extra in a John Woo film. But only one of his older films that are actually good. Surrounded by cute east asian teens/young adults in trendy clothes laughing and talking excitedly in a language that sounds like an odd form of music.
Then we were seated and I changed my mind. I wanted to be a c.e.a.t./y.a. lesbian, the phenotype that looks cute in a wife beater, kind of like a japanese gina gershon, whose girlfriend looks hot in a black duster and takes her to teppan and buys her lobster and steak.

This morning I've changed my mind again. I just want to grow up and be somebody who doesn't have to go to work and sleeps in.

Comments

[sararainmaker.livejournal.com]

I have a question...

Why do you want to grow up at all?

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Well, as I explained to Miss Friday, if you never grow up then you never get to 'grow up to be'.
Which can probably be patched by simply being something, but it's a harder path.
Most of the time I don't want to grow up at all and have fought it kicking and screaming. But I think I'm fucked because I'm pretty sure I was a Grup by the time I was eight. Responsibility, duty, all that good crap.
So, there's this constant battle between the innate nature of stolid sober-as-a-judge working for the common good adult and the frolicking in a meadow eating junk food making fart jokes ADD child. I blame the fact that I'm a Cancer. Damn the Moon!

[sararainmaker.livejournal.com]

You sound like someone I'd love to hang out with... you, me and guavas can all dig in our fingernails, teeth, nerf gun and laptops into the ground and try and remain the responsible children we have always been. ;)

oh... and its not the cancer, sorry, Cause I'm an Aquarius and Guavas is a Libra... perhaps it has something to do with our Chinese horoscopes? ;)

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Possible.... I'm a cock.
It was always comforting to assume that the wealth of inner contradictions (I love people and human company, but I hate people and want to be left the hell alone) could be blamed on the influence of Diana and all that waxing and waning.

[sararainmaker.livejournal.com]

A cock, or just honest?

Is it not more comforting to know that you are not alone in your contradictions?

I have noticed that the more intelligent a person is the more contrary their thoughts and feelings are. The thing that breeds this intelligence in people is one and the same with what makes them less likely to follow the path already paved.

In that sense, ignorance truly is bliss. Oh to be blissfully unaware of the pains of the world around us, to be joyfully ignorant of those things that make us cynical and jaded...

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I was born in the year of the Cock. I'm also honest, but I also lie more than I like both to myself and others. (That's an inner contradiction I'm getting better on.)
And it definitely makes me feel less of a freak to share my contrary nature with others. It was very comforting last month to hear Ellie assure me she has similar problems.

And yes, I sometimes wish I'd taken the blue pill. Or the red pill. Whichever one it is where you keep that mental/social/emotional virginity. But if Ignorance is Bliss why aren't more of these fucking morons happy?

[sararainmaker.livejournal.com]

Hahahah... well wouldn't you be miserable if you were a moron ;) And yet they have it better in some ways... just not in ways that you or I would sacrifice our knowledge for.